my bff

i miss my friend. but now that the bar scene is outta the picture i dont want to just go and sit there and drink. and shes all inna broke funk so i dont to see her like that. i know it sounds bad but i kinda just wanna wait till shes back on her feet and not so down. its just so contagious to be around down ppl. and im already down myself most of the time..would just add to it. but i do miss my friend.

Your horoscope for February 10, 2009 A rather spacey friend or acquaintance from far away could ring you up today, Janice, perhaps proposing a visit. This might not be too convenient right now, and thus could put you into a quandary as to whether or not to go for it. Your decision, of course, eventually gets down to how much you care for this person and how badly you want to see them again. Think about it carefully before saying yea or nay.

V-day countdown!

we still havnt made plans yet.. but keep talking about going away for the weekend.. it will be so great to get away for a few days! butttt also wish we could go to musink withouttttt fighting. man i swear i wish he could read minds.. so he could see how wrong he is. god just thinking about it infuriates me!!!! agh but well nothing i can do except for walk around with a blindfold... sigh.. i hope this can change soon. so much fun for us to have!


Your horoscope for February 9, 2009 Are you contemplating taking a trip, Janice, perhaps to a place you've always dreamed of visiting? Take your pick - Mexico, Peru, Australia, Thailand, Europe. If you're in doubt as to whether or not you'll be able to do it, sit down, work out your budget, and you might be surprised. Invite a friend or romantic partner to accompany you. Such a trip could boost your personal growth like nothing you've ever tried before. Think about it!

lighter days

can still be felt even through the crap. its very hard not to get sucked into his fears and anger. im learning to maintain my patience and trying to work threw this.
i was sad and angry by bees mess up. going to take a lot of work with her too. even though not so great stuff happend.. it was such a great day.

some days

are easier then others.. some of his comments are easier to dodge then others.. but sometimessssss..... i want to fucking scream! sometimes.. i just dont want to take the higher road.. sometimes i want to just fight back! fuckkkkkkkkkkkkk. NOTHING is going to stop me from bettering myself. His hang ups are his! He needs to take responsibility for his fears and actions. I'm trying to take care of mine.!

can i get off this fucking ride already?!

Your horoscope for February 3, 2009 A romantic relationship, whether new or long-term, could be advanced today to the next level of commitment, Janice. The chemistry between the two of you is very strong, and you're compatible on more than one level. And today you'll experience passion like never before! Some intense but honest and very positive discussion about the future of the relationship is likely to take place today - followed by an intimate encounter.

I have to do better

for my self. why keep beating the unwilling.? i have been keeping at it for the sake of love. i keep thinking hes going to see what i see. i keep my heart open for him i keep my will for us strong. but what if its all for nothing? i know this is a chance i took and it seems so worth it. i felt the warmth of his love i peered into the future of us. and now its burried so deep in issues.. i cant help but to feel like a looser having lost it. but somewhere i know its not just my fault. im hurting so much right now. his words sting worse then ever. its so hard to keep my cool. its so hard to not hurt him back. its so hard to keep trying. so hard to see past all his pain. so hard to see the anthony im fighting for. i have to make sure not to loose myself before all of this is done. what ever the outcome is.. i have to stay true to myself. no more of this passive agressive shit.. i have to let my feelings be known even if it means conflict.

my heart

hurts sooooo much... i cant handle much more. hes crushing me. hes going to do everything he can to just finish off my heart. i told his mom i would be strong for him but i dont know what im going to do. everything he says hurts me so much everything he does just kills me. how do i stay so strong for someone who does not want me around? god he hates me. i hate crying. but i cant stop. all these thoughts keep popping into my head. i want them gone. i want him back. what happened. why cant i just have love? all i want to do is love him.