Thursday, March 5, 2009
agh
Your lovescope for March 5, 2009 The position of the planets brings with it the opportunity to show someone that you are quite a high-class deal. If you have a choice of social events this evening, then you may like to choose the one that brings you into association with those whom you hold in the highest esteem. Someone in particular will stand out, and will be equally impressed by all you have to offer.
fuck me
love me
unattended wails
wont u hear me?
worlds never ending
other lifes wonderment
what if's
if only
hell
fuck you
fuck me
im here
flawed
alone
unattended wails!
unattended wails
wont u hear me?
worlds never ending
other lifes wonderment
what if's
if only
hell
fuck you
fuck me
im here
flawed
alone
unattended wails!
a new day
do not beg for it! and dont take it personally.
Your horoscope for March 5, 2009 This is a great day for you to strut your stuff, Janice. You are on top of the world, so enjoy yourself, your family, and the people around you. You are right on top of the action and you don't miss a beat, regardless of the conversation that is buzzing around you. You are able to whip out facts, dates, and people's birthdays at the drop of a hat. Don't let anyone bring you down or talk you out of the good mood you are in
Your horoscope for March 5, 2009 This is a great day for you to strut your stuff, Janice. You are on top of the world, so enjoy yourself, your family, and the people around you. You are right on top of the action and you don't miss a beat, regardless of the conversation that is buzzing around you. You are able to whip out facts, dates, and people's birthdays at the drop of a hat. Don't let anyone bring you down or talk you out of the good mood you are in
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Happy Humpday!
or at least happy wednessday.. :(
Your horoscope for March 4, 2009 You may find yourself in intense arguments that explode into verbal wars that you are not happy about, Janice. Your nature is expansive and generous, but you find that if this good nature is taken advantage of, your mood quickly turns to anger and detachment. Conflict is often a natural part of a relationship. Use it as a learning experience instead of blowing it out of proportion and turning it into a larger issue than it needs to be.
was talking about forgivness to alissa yesterday.. talking bout our dads.. she told her step mom that as for as she was concerned she didnt have a father... wow...through everything i still dont think i could ever say that. but i had been thinking about forgiving my dad and just letting go of everything.. i feel stunted.. like i cant keep growing if i dont let go of all the crap from growing up.. and even after i left home. but i guess all that is easier said then done. i do wish it was better between us though.. sometimes i do miss him.
Your horoscope for March 4, 2009 You may find yourself in intense arguments that explode into verbal wars that you are not happy about, Janice. Your nature is expansive and generous, but you find that if this good nature is taken advantage of, your mood quickly turns to anger and detachment. Conflict is often a natural part of a relationship. Use it as a learning experience instead of blowing it out of proportion and turning it into a larger issue than it needs to be.
was talking about forgivness to alissa yesterday.. talking bout our dads.. she told her step mom that as for as she was concerned she didnt have a father... wow...through everything i still dont think i could ever say that. but i had been thinking about forgiving my dad and just letting go of everything.. i feel stunted.. like i cant keep growing if i dont let go of all the crap from growing up.. and even after i left home. but i guess all that is easier said then done. i do wish it was better between us though.. sometimes i do miss him.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
dont run?
Your horoscope for March 3, 2009 When faced with an emotionally intense situation, you are likely to flee, Janice. You would rather skirt the issue and quickly change the subject to something much more lighthearted and palatable. Keep in mind that this form of escapism is going to do nothing to solve the problem that is crying out for attention. In fact, by avoiding the emotional topic and moving into your own fantasyland, you are only creating more friction than if you just approached the problem head-on.
creepy how dead on these things are some days. ok fuk stop running already? and do what? talk to him? face the problems how?!!!!!! we cant talk. i mean we can.. and it feels ok for the moment but then just goes right back to usual?! i am trying my fucking hardest. but it unreasonable what he wants from me? to put him first in EVERY single aspect of my life? no im sorry but i cant. different situations require me to prioritize. hes my number one guy.. my number one love. just like bee is my number one kid. just like my sister is my number one sister. theres no way i can treat them all the same.. when they all mean different things to me. he hates my relationship with alissa.. because she is my best friend. she allows me to be me. holds nothing against me. tells me when and how ive hurt her.. allows me to apologize then move on. he gives me absolutly no room to be human.. to be flawed. he lives in such an absolute world. if ive lied once or 10times he says EVERYTHING ive ever said is a lie? no thats not right. yes i know how bad it is to lie and im doing really good.. with it. but ive only lied out of fear. that he wont get me that he will just think bad of me.. that he will have more to throw in my face. like last night when he was asking about small group. i didnt want to tell him.. for fear of him doing what he usually does.. puts it down. i guess what we all do.. put down what we dont know.. or wish we had.. out of fear?.. agh i want to tell him everything.. i want to share everything with him. but i cant. he keeps telling me to tell him things then i do and he laughs or puts it down or holds it against me?. im sure i prob do it too but god im trying.. im not always strong to his actions. his words. especially when they are true. god im just kidding myself. I CANT CHANGE HIM!!!! i want something hes not able to give me right now.. maybe never. the good i seen in him is all hes able to give right now. and its not enough for me. and i guess its not fair to him to expect what he cant give.. i cant wait around and HOPE while getting hurt all the time. but how the fuck do i stop loving him? how do i loose this hope? how do i walk away from this not thinking im not good enough? that i wasnt enough AGAIN for someone to love me enough to fight for me with every bit that i fight for them.? its so hard when i can see it.. i can feel it.. we were so fucking close. i got to touch my dream. we could of made eachother so happy. now everything just seems to be spinning out of control.. all i can do is just hide. "IM THE ONLY ONE IN IT". hurt more then a fist to the face!
creepy how dead on these things are some days. ok fuk stop running already? and do what? talk to him? face the problems how?!!!!!! we cant talk. i mean we can.. and it feels ok for the moment but then just goes right back to usual?! i am trying my fucking hardest. but it unreasonable what he wants from me? to put him first in EVERY single aspect of my life? no im sorry but i cant. different situations require me to prioritize. hes my number one guy.. my number one love. just like bee is my number one kid. just like my sister is my number one sister. theres no way i can treat them all the same.. when they all mean different things to me. he hates my relationship with alissa.. because she is my best friend. she allows me to be me. holds nothing against me. tells me when and how ive hurt her.. allows me to apologize then move on. he gives me absolutly no room to be human.. to be flawed. he lives in such an absolute world. if ive lied once or 10times he says EVERYTHING ive ever said is a lie? no thats not right. yes i know how bad it is to lie and im doing really good.. with it. but ive only lied out of fear. that he wont get me that he will just think bad of me.. that he will have more to throw in my face. like last night when he was asking about small group. i didnt want to tell him.. for fear of him doing what he usually does.. puts it down. i guess what we all do.. put down what we dont know.. or wish we had.. out of fear?.. agh i want to tell him everything.. i want to share everything with him. but i cant. he keeps telling me to tell him things then i do and he laughs or puts it down or holds it against me?. im sure i prob do it too but god im trying.. im not always strong to his actions. his words. especially when they are true. god im just kidding myself. I CANT CHANGE HIM!!!! i want something hes not able to give me right now.. maybe never. the good i seen in him is all hes able to give right now. and its not enough for me. and i guess its not fair to him to expect what he cant give.. i cant wait around and HOPE while getting hurt all the time. but how the fuck do i stop loving him? how do i loose this hope? how do i walk away from this not thinking im not good enough? that i wasnt enough AGAIN for someone to love me enough to fight for me with every bit that i fight for them.? its so hard when i can see it.. i can feel it.. we were so fucking close. i got to touch my dream. we could of made eachother so happy. now everything just seems to be spinning out of control.. all i can do is just hide. "IM THE ONLY ONE IN IT". hurt more then a fist to the face!
Monday, March 2, 2009
stupid babies
its so sad to hear him talk. i want a baby sooooo bad. i know right now is not a good time. i know that our relationship is not even close to be strong enough to even think about being parents.. but that does not make me want a baby any less. i love him so much and he would be so good to a baby.. just his thinking is so bad. i know i cant change him and i know the risks of investing all this time with him.. but i just cant stop loving him .. i think about the good in him and that just gives me this stupid hope.. like i can see past his thick layer of bad.. if only he could let go of all that hate for the world.. his hate for life. god hes missing out on so much good.. so much warmth.. so much love around him.
sunday
service was great this week! i wish so bad that he was there with me. better together. i love going.. makes me want to just be the best person i can be! gives me hope when i feel its all gone.
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