we met in the middle of the night.. after talking to anthony since the december before. something id done a few times before.. i never knew that night would change my life.. so much has happend.. so much is about to happen. i dont know which way life going to go but i know not to worry about it.. just letting god guide me..
i committed to volunteer 100hrs today!i cant wait to hear from them and find out what new adventures i will embark on helping ppl on the way!
Your horoscope for March 27, 2009 Today is apt to be quite favorable for you, Janice, and you should keep the lines of communication open so that you can spread your knowledge out to others, and likewise receive the incredibly important information that is due to come your way. Your energy might come in erratic, yet powerful bursts at this time, and you should find that your overall ego and powerful emotions are quite strong.
Your lovescope for March 27, 2009 Sometimes it happens that as one door closes, another one opens. This could indeed be the scenario, with today's planetary alignment. Where a relationship or one chapter in a certain relationship may have ended, another new one may be about to begin. An event today brings you a great feeling of warmth and cheer, and opens your heart to the possibility of a better future.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
money
takes wayyyyy longer to build up then to drain out of my bank account! But feels good to not stress over bills!
my sister said that i get to baby sit nessa! and get PAID for it! man that would be soooooo good.. to have extra money coming in.. i really want my own place to live! of course getting to baby sit nessa is awesome too.. i LOVE that kid soooo much!
so i know what im addicted to.. men. i want one so bad. i feel so i dont know incomplete with out one. sounds horrible .. i dont even care which one it is sometimes.?! im a relationship junkie! thats what makes me stick around so long? and i learned why i pick broken men! cuz of my damn dad! my dad is so messed up in the head but i dont hate him.. i dont like him but i dont hate him.. agh man i so have to go to that counselor at work. man i just need someone to help me sort through all this crap! small group is great.. im learning a lot more about myself talking to these ladies whom if it wasnt for church id never have any kind of relationship with women like this. but they rock.
anthony.. oh dear anthony.. we are broken up yet im still on a rollercoaster ride with him.. actually not really.. i think now im mostly just watching him on the rollercoaster ride. im able to just watch now.. but i do hate seeing him like this. he has this rage that.. wow... just nuts.. i feel really bad for him. and i miss the good him.. but ohhh so glad we broke up and i dont have to be around the bad him!
my sister said that i get to baby sit nessa! and get PAID for it! man that would be soooooo good.. to have extra money coming in.. i really want my own place to live! of course getting to baby sit nessa is awesome too.. i LOVE that kid soooo much!
so i know what im addicted to.. men. i want one so bad. i feel so i dont know incomplete with out one. sounds horrible .. i dont even care which one it is sometimes.?! im a relationship junkie! thats what makes me stick around so long? and i learned why i pick broken men! cuz of my damn dad! my dad is so messed up in the head but i dont hate him.. i dont like him but i dont hate him.. agh man i so have to go to that counselor at work. man i just need someone to help me sort through all this crap! small group is great.. im learning a lot more about myself talking to these ladies whom if it wasnt for church id never have any kind of relationship with women like this. but they rock.
anthony.. oh dear anthony.. we are broken up yet im still on a rollercoaster ride with him.. actually not really.. i think now im mostly just watching him on the rollercoaster ride. im able to just watch now.. but i do hate seeing him like this. he has this rage that.. wow... just nuts.. i feel really bad for him. and i miss the good him.. but ohhh so glad we broke up and i dont have to be around the bad him!
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
oh man oh man...
what a CRAZY day yesterday was! Bees dad called.. i felt such a sense of relief when i heard his voice. sooooo soooooooo glad hes alive. what a horrible feeling not knowing if he was dead of alive. i was so pissed i missed the call.. damn phone.. stupid texting. wish bee could of talked to him. i think they both need eachother. wish he knew how worried he made us all. but thank god hes alive. now everyone can sleep a little better. i hope he calls back soon.
and the biggest crazy news! my best friend.. who was straight when i first met her.. yesterday omfg... she got... married..... to a ...... chick! well became domestic partners.. but they are doing like a wedding thing on 090909!!!! ack! omg i was so blown away all day yesterday couldnt believe my eyes! but she really did it. man oh man!
last night bee and me painted her dresser.. came out great! its like a aqua green. i bought that dresser when she was like 3yrs old.. 10yrs ive been wanting to sand and paint that thing.. always waited for her dad to do it then i just lagged.. but finally got it done! and we are planning a trip to the mystery spot.! this weekend. didnt even think about doing something for spring break.. till all her friends were going places.. so now im already feeling bad that i wont have my man on this trip. :( so stupid. why do i have to feel that way.?
and the biggest crazy news! my best friend.. who was straight when i first met her.. yesterday omfg... she got... married..... to a ...... chick! well became domestic partners.. but they are doing like a wedding thing on 090909!!!! ack! omg i was so blown away all day yesterday couldnt believe my eyes! but she really did it. man oh man!
last night bee and me painted her dresser.. came out great! its like a aqua green. i bought that dresser when she was like 3yrs old.. 10yrs ive been wanting to sand and paint that thing.. always waited for her dad to do it then i just lagged.. but finally got it done! and we are planning a trip to the mystery spot.! this weekend. didnt even think about doing something for spring break.. till all her friends were going places.. so now im already feeling bad that i wont have my man on this trip. :( so stupid. why do i have to feel that way.?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
damn these are good!
Your horoscope for March 24, 2009 Janice, it could be that you have recently been building up fanciful scenarios in your head regarding how you think things should be, either in a romantic situation, a business situation, or a family situation. More than likely, these images will come into conflict with reality as you discover that you need to take a much more grounded and analytical approach to what you have going.
ok so i guess we were texting back and forth yesterday. got a little deep at times. the jist of it is he still wants us to one day work. not that im opposed to it.. but realistically i dont think hes down to put in the work.. and even if he was.. i dont know that it would be enough for me. like honestly the man i want by my side for the rest of my life wouldnt do any of the things he does. well like the whole money and possesions thing.. i agree that i was bad with my money and shouldnt be so careless with it but he i guess like i at times was too had a double standard.. it was ok for him to spend endless amounts of money on his "hobbies" and i guess he didnt say much about me spending it on myself but would always have something to say if i ever spent money on others.. even on bee.. sorry but it thats what i want to do why shouldnt i? and he always had something to say about my family.. ok i did cater to them at times.. but they are my family and sometimes its ok.. and the whole respect thing.. i was so sad when it was lost. i was very contious of when it first happend the first time he cursed at me. agh he's not a bad guy.. but the respect thing is huge. the trust thing is huge! its not going to happen with out it. how the heck do u even work on that? man ok grounded i am. no more fluttering... sigh. i just wish this was easier. wish i knew exactly what was right to do.
ok so i guess we were texting back and forth yesterday. got a little deep at times. the jist of it is he still wants us to one day work. not that im opposed to it.. but realistically i dont think hes down to put in the work.. and even if he was.. i dont know that it would be enough for me. like honestly the man i want by my side for the rest of my life wouldnt do any of the things he does. well like the whole money and possesions thing.. i agree that i was bad with my money and shouldnt be so careless with it but he i guess like i at times was too had a double standard.. it was ok for him to spend endless amounts of money on his "hobbies" and i guess he didnt say much about me spending it on myself but would always have something to say if i ever spent money on others.. even on bee.. sorry but it thats what i want to do why shouldnt i? and he always had something to say about my family.. ok i did cater to them at times.. but they are my family and sometimes its ok.. and the whole respect thing.. i was so sad when it was lost. i was very contious of when it first happend the first time he cursed at me. agh he's not a bad guy.. but the respect thing is huge. the trust thing is huge! its not going to happen with out it. how the heck do u even work on that? man ok grounded i am. no more fluttering... sigh. i just wish this was easier. wish i knew exactly what was right to do.
Monday, March 23, 2009
week 2
well the house is on its way.. got carpet in my room and the livingroom.. alexis room is next. we got a really nice entertainment center for the livingroom too but i think they are trying to bring harveys tv here which means no need for the nice entertainment center.. agh anddddddd i got new matresses! so big i love them! :( but so wish anthony was next to me cuddled up sleeping. i might of messed up i agreed to go out with him on what would of been our 1yr anniversary. i had been thinking it too.. but now im not sure how good of an idea that is. i told him only if we can keep it about that day.. no old issues no fighting. and now hes texting asking questions. i have that feeling like i dont want him to know shit.. but thats just because of how i felt when he was fishing for info.. i know hes just asking.. i have to learn to figure out when to talk and when its none of anyone buisness! anyways theres no way getting back together is gonna happen right now. hes still nuts! and im still hurting.
Your horoscope for March 23, 2009 You're radiant today, Janice, and glowing with happiness! This is a refreshing change, after the gloom and doom of the past few weeks. Apparently, the decisions you made worked out for the best. Or, even better, perhaps you're in love? In any case, it will be even easier than usual for you to communicate with others and share your joy. Let the good times roll!
Your horoscope for March 23, 2009 You're radiant today, Janice, and glowing with happiness! This is a refreshing change, after the gloom and doom of the past few weeks. Apparently, the decisions you made worked out for the best. Or, even better, perhaps you're in love? In any case, it will be even easier than usual for you to communicate with others and share your joy. Let the good times roll!
Friday, March 20, 2009
day five.. Friday!
so its friday i have a pocket full of cash and i want to go have fun! but i know i have to do it all responsibly.. no back tracking!
Your horoscope for March 20, 2009 It may be hard for you to maintain your self-discipline, Janice. Your child-like nature wants to come out and play. Emotionally, you are anxious to let loose and follow your most basic playful and instinctual nature, yet your sense of duty and responsibility is holding you back. This difficult internal tension may be the cause of irritation in many different areas of your life. Do your best to come to a place of balance and equilibrium.
Your horoscope for March 20, 2009 It may be hard for you to maintain your self-discipline, Janice. Your child-like nature wants to come out and play. Emotionally, you are anxious to let loose and follow your most basic playful and instinctual nature, yet your sense of duty and responsibility is holding you back. This difficult internal tension may be the cause of irritation in many different areas of your life. Do your best to come to a place of balance and equilibrium.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
day four
he texted me a few times yesterday mostly mean things. i didnt text him back once. funny how in such a short time im able to already look back and see how much he fucked with my head. and is still trying to. i got a text a little bit ago from him our song. "listen up cuz i love you lady we go back like 1980. lord knows your the one to save me u love me cuz im so crazy.you'll see it'll be u and me allllwayys!!" god how i miss that side of him! but i cant let him get to me.
on the home front. i got some awesome carpet for the house yesterday! i think its enough for the living room my room and alexis' room! even got some for bees room but i think im going to buy her a cute rug instead. i wasnt able to get as much done yesterday i lost most my energy after picking up the carpet. but i did put a lot away. today i have church but i think my dad is gonna get more stuff done today so fingers crossed i will be able to get more done today!
Your horoscope for March 19, 2009 The past few weeks may have seemed like an earthquake, Janice. You may still be trembling slightly as you embark on the weeks ahead. Fortunately, the current astral configuration promises calmer, although not necessarily less intense energy. You will be able to apply decisions you recently made regarding your domestic life and settle important matters once and for all...
on the home front. i got some awesome carpet for the house yesterday! i think its enough for the living room my room and alexis' room! even got some for bees room but i think im going to buy her a cute rug instead. i wasnt able to get as much done yesterday i lost most my energy after picking up the carpet. but i did put a lot away. today i have church but i think my dad is gonna get more stuff done today so fingers crossed i will be able to get more done today!
Your horoscope for March 19, 2009 The past few weeks may have seemed like an earthquake, Janice. You may still be trembling slightly as you embark on the weeks ahead. Fortunately, the current astral configuration promises calmer, although not necessarily less intense energy. You will be able to apply decisions you recently made regarding your domestic life and settle important matters once and for all...
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