weekend in.

so i been single for over 5 months now. i was going out every single weekend.. sometimes during the week. this was my first weekend just staying home. last weekend i blacked out. figured it was time to slow down. yesterday i was home alone. i got a little antsy and almost just threw some clothes on to go get a beer at garys.. really just wanted to see the teddy bear. but i stayed home. of couse i did leave just to see the kid for a while. was pretty worth it. he frustrates the fuck outta me tho. hes pretty lame-ish except for making me feel great. hes not the best conversationalist but great kisser. agh A.. keeps saying he loves me. i dont know if i really have moved on or just to scared of his crazy ass. i miss him so much sometimes it makes me sick. like i just want him to be next to me so bad it makes me sad. that one full day we hung out was pretty fantastic. um well except for him examining my "facial expressions" so lame. like common really why not just live your life and not worry so much. and of course he examined the wrong fucking thoughts. said something about a look of disgust.? like agh i dunno dont even want to think about it.. either way he thought i was checking shaggy out.. god.. if he only knew what a dumb azz shaggy is.. hes a totall cheating pig. mando just called.. lame i dont answer booty calls! not that i ever gave him any .. but im so bored tempted to call him back.. agh fuk it.. imma just smoke :)omg i just remembered.. asshold anthony is talking to his ex.. the chick he said he didnt ever want to have shit to do with her cuz she was crazy.. ya the fuckin asshole "accidently" replied to me what he was trying to reply to her.. he said blah blah blah ur beautiful! i wish i wasnt so ugly. .. it took a second but my blood just boiled over... i was sooooo beyond pissed. i tried not to be like i didnt want to give a fuk.. but i do. did. not that im worried hes fucking her.. cuz really he can fuck who ever he wants to. but he made me feel like such a piece of shit for thinking it was ok to be friends with ex's then hes sitting there telling me he loves me all the while texting this bitch! he said he just meant shes a beautiful person. wtf ever.. he saids shes gross. wtf ever. she did give off a looser vibe from her myspace. wish i knew what the stupid bitch looks like. oh i only have hate for her cuz of that stupid little comment she made on anthonys myspace about him being single. cunt! haha wow now ariel is calling.. eff that.. agh i did want to hang out with someone.. but so tired of these stupid boys. my fault i guess. i dont know how to make relationships out of nothing. all it ever is, is sex. theres my prob no one ever wants to "date" they want to fuck. take teacher. i fresh out of a real relationship.. that left me very broken hearted. me and teacher talked for a long while never ever talking about sex... i thought he was awesome. asked if i wanted to smoke sometime. sure why the heck not.. i even showed up in sweats.. thought this is a cool guy friend. nope soon as we were high.. he tried to be all rico suave.. failed... i freaked. we kissed and that was it. i bailed. of course i went back for more later but thats besides the point. i mean really no guys just want to be cool friends? why would they i guess when they have eachother for friendship. pretty sad. ok so how else do i meet a guy and keep it in line for potential bf? like ok bars are fun and u meet some cool ppl.. obviously u cant take them home and fuk them and still think they are bf material. so then whereeeeee????!!!?!?!?!?!?! online same thing. mostly 99.9%of the time they just want to fuck too. i mean shit i do to. i love to fuck.. but im so tired of this almost pointless fucking. god i need to smoke. sad sad sad how fucking retarded men are.. and even more retarded how all us girls want one to keep for ever and ever. we are social beings. we need ppl. if only we were sane.