well... guess what?!

im pregnant! i got back with anthony in dec.. something i thought i would never do in a million years. we moved in together in march. its been crazy to say the least but it is what it is. i gotta say tho i wasnt very happy when i found out i was pregnant. i actually freaked out and got pretty depressed. but ive come to terms with it and am totally happy about it now. its still way early so im not really telling everyone about it. tho most my immediate family knows and some of his knows. will have to remember to keep my camera on hand to post more often.

back to the same ol janice...

Fuck you! dont judge me. dont accuse me. dont assume. dont doubt. Fuck you. im selfish...thats a fucking joke. Fuck you.

2010 wrap up

So much happened in 2010. a lot of great stuff. and a lot of horrible stuff. Glad to say i made it through all of it in one piece...(mostly).Im always learning. mistake after mistake i try and remember the lesson. im hanging out with Anthony again. Scared crapless but it just feels soo good. i feel like me around him. just me. i dont get to feel that very often. this year my toughest challenge was being a mom. so many times i wished i could just quit. or take a longgg vacation from being mom. but then again i dont even know who i would be if i wasnt mom, sister, daughter, aunt, cousin, gf. for the coming year i want to find a little more of me. what makes me happy. i want to have a healthy relationship with all around me. mostly my teen. i reallllly hope she grows out of this rocky phase asap. 2011....cant wait to meet you. :)

Midnight puff n paint....

So i had my first semi stay at home all weekend.. in months and months. was good too just stay home.. didnt feel tired and inna rush.. i just vegged.. but come sunday night i started to get a little antsy.. sooo i brought back my old puff n paint..

why wont my coffee stay hot?!

ive been sitting here for hrs doing tons of nothing. 10yrs of nothing. all i wanted was a cup of normal hot coffee. i get sucked in to nothing, cant remember where i was going. scars that show where ive been. can i get a cup of normal. hot coffee?

June 1st 2010- im alive

so im 31yrs old. when i was 12ish i thought 31 was super old.. grown up age. fuck i was so wrong. im scared to death that im never going to get it. never going to figure out my money. never going to figure out this being a mother thing. never going to figure out this whole relationships thing. but you know what scares me the fuking most.. this whole boys thing. i dont get it. millions of couples out there. i just dont fucking get it. agh brain is mush. mas manana..

A year of nothing..

So last year i lost the love of my life and my best friend.(they didnt die just not a part of my life anymore)I vowed to be a better me but all i did was just get stuck. I feel like all im doing is just flowing. not growing not progressing .. im just letting time drag me along. for a while i was so focused on just having fun.. and ive def had fun but i think im pretty over it. im burning out. im not enjoying it as much as i used to. i want to focus on bettering my life. paying more attention to Bee and moving out and upward with life. idealy id like to have my man by my side but ive learned i cant force that.. just wait for it to happen. so my thought today is to get on the ball. i need to find a way to get unstuck. try and stay away from the bar little by little. start sewing again. spend more time with my family.