Disappear

if i had one wish right now it would be to just disappear. i know i cant fight something thats already been decided so i cant wish for that. i want to disappear and come back a year from now. i want to spare my heart, my sanity, my pride this pain. i wish i could hate him. i wish i had a hole to crawl into where nothing reminded me of him. i wish i could erase everything i feel for him, everything we were supposed to be, oh god my heart feels like a heavy lump in my chest. ive been through this before so i know it wont kill be but god does it feel like it. god i changed my mind. i dont want to disappear. i want this to be a really bad dream. i want to wake up in his arms on a saturday morning and lay in bed for hrs just holding eachother talking about nothing. god please make it stop.