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Friday, November 7, 2008

Disappointment

let my mom down. let my daughter down. let my family down. always let my boyfriend down. all by just being me. no matter how hard i try. wish i could find the reset button. a start over. rewind button? anything. i thought failure was the worst feeling.. frustration is just as bad. to feel like u can never come up for air. worse to think u were up for air and find out it was just an illusion. what i thought was strength was just denial. man o man is karma a bitch. almost funny how true the "what goes around comes around" is. like word for word true. i was this self cautious, insecure, needy woe is me kinda person. making someone pay for my short comings, I'm guessing making their life miserable..and the after product of being on the other side is this cold emoitonless(or at least buried deep enough to seem that way) person. well now i more then understand the impact that that was. its not me anymore but i understand it. being on the other side... god i don't know which feels worse. i do know were just broken ppl. id been alone for years. it sucked. i enjoy loving. but this has been such an awakening. maybe i should just listen to him and go. alone. sucks. but i guess i wont die. its just gonna suck. failure. frustration. disappointment.

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