love..

so if we don't hate each other and we want to be with each other but there are things in the way that keep us from being with each other what do we do? what is keeping us from each other.?
1. trust.
he has no trust for me. well he never really did. he never gave up the search to find something to validate his mistrust. he made it very hard to enjoy each other more.

i did not make it easy for him to trust me. i lied about something that i shouldn't have had to lie about. i lied because i didn't know what else to do. what i thought was no big deal for me was huge to him. i understand i didn't make it any better. he thinks if i lied about that what else did i lie about. i know how wrong he is to think that because if anything i was most loyal to him. but having been in his shoes before i wouldn't be able to believe me either. hes very focused on the negative. theres really nothing i can do because he looks at the world with completely different eyes then i or most ppl do. so i can apologize till the cows come home and it wont matter until he can forgive me for making a mistake and accept that i didn't do it intentionally to hurt him. i want the world with him. he has the potential to just be my everything. I'm i lacking to much for him? what am i missing? am i seeing things threw eyes that are too rosey?

this split keeps changing on me. its very up and down. my emotions are all over the place. i think that's what his head is like all the time. is leaving as damaging as staying?