dont run?

Your horoscope for March 3, 2009 When faced with an emotionally intense situation, you are likely to flee, Janice. You would rather skirt the issue and quickly change the subject to something much more lighthearted and palatable. Keep in mind that this form of escapism is going to do nothing to solve the problem that is crying out for attention. In fact, by avoiding the emotional topic and moving into your own fantasyland, you are only creating more friction than if you just approached the problem head-on.

creepy how dead on these things are some days. ok fuk stop running already? and do what? talk to him? face the problems how?!!!!!! we cant talk. i mean we can.. and it feels ok for the moment but then just goes right back to usual?! i am trying my fucking hardest. but it unreasonable what he wants from me? to put him first in EVERY single aspect of my life? no im sorry but i cant. different situations require me to prioritize. hes my number one guy.. my number one love. just like bee is my number one kid. just like my sister is my number one sister. theres no way i can treat them all the same.. when they all mean different things to me. he hates my relationship with alissa.. because she is my best friend. she allows me to be me. holds nothing against me. tells me when and how ive hurt her.. allows me to apologize then move on. he gives me absolutly no room to be human.. to be flawed. he lives in such an absolute world. if ive lied once or 10times he says EVERYTHING ive ever said is a lie? no thats not right. yes i know how bad it is to lie and im doing really good.. with it. but ive only lied out of fear. that he wont get me that he will just think bad of me.. that he will have more to throw in my face. like last night when he was asking about small group. i didnt want to tell him.. for fear of him doing what he usually does.. puts it down. i guess what we all do.. put down what we dont know.. or wish we had.. out of fear?.. agh i want to tell him everything.. i want to share everything with him. but i cant. he keeps telling me to tell him things then i do and he laughs or puts it down or holds it against me?. im sure i prob do it too but god im trying.. im not always strong to his actions. his words. especially when they are true. god im just kidding myself. I CANT CHANGE HIM!!!! i want something hes not able to give me right now.. maybe never. the good i seen in him is all hes able to give right now. and its not enough for me. and i guess its not fair to him to expect what he cant give.. i cant wait around and HOPE while getting hurt all the time. but how the fuck do i stop loving him? how do i loose this hope? how do i walk away from this not thinking im not good enough? that i wasnt enough AGAIN for someone to love me enough to fight for me with every bit that i fight for them.? its so hard when i can see it.. i can feel it.. we were so fucking close. i got to touch my dream. we could of made eachother so happy. now everything just seems to be spinning out of control.. all i can do is just hide. "IM THE ONLY ONE IN IT". hurt more then a fist to the face!