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Wednesday, January 14, 2009

For gods sake hold your tongue


it took enormous amouts of strength to keep the hate from spewing out this would be wonderful morning.. i wanted to be up early to get my day started. i wanted to get stuff done. i wanted to get chores done meals planned laundry washed just get things done. of course if ideas are not run by him first then anything out of the "normal routine" is some kind of deception. one thing is to shit on me.. but to bring my daughter into it is soooo far over the line. i know ive been direspectful to him when heated.. but i use empty words. theres things i can say that i know would hurt.. things i know would match the shit he calls me.. and i dont use them, i wouldnt.. it would be too fucked up and hurtful things that can never be taken back things that are unexcusable. just like the things he says to me. hes getting worse. if i put up with this now he will just keep pushing. most of the time i can forgive his words but i will never forget them. what he said this morning is unforgivable. if there is one thing you never fuck with is a mothers child. i will not resort to use hate. Hate is a reaction to Fear. Hurting is a reaction to Pain.




The following are common traits hurt people display in their interactions with others.
I. Hurt people often transfer their inner anger onto their family and close friends

* • Often those around them become the recipients of harsh tones and fits of rage because they have unknowingly become the vicarious recipients of transferred rage.

II. Hurt people interpret every word spoken to them through the prism of their pain

* • Because of their pain, ordinary words are often misinterpreted to mean something negative towards them. * • Because of this, they are extremely sensitive and act out of pain instead of reality.

III. Hurt people interpret every action through the prism of their pain

* • Their emotional pain causes them to suspect wrong motives or evil intent behind other people’s actions towards them.

IV. Hurt people often portray themselves as victims and carry a “victim spirit”

* • Often hurt people can cry “racism,” “sexism,” “homophobia,” or often use the words “unjust” or “unfair” to describe the way they are being treated, even if there is no truth to this. (That is not to say that sometimes there really is racism or sexism in some instances; this is just used as an example.)

* • Hurt people have a hard time entering into a trusting relationship.


* • Hurt people often carry around a suspicious spirit.

V. Hurt people often alienate others and wonder why no one is there for them

* • They often continually hurt the ones they love and need the most with their self-destructive behavior.

VI. Hurt people have the emotional maturity of the age they received their (un-dealt with) hurt

* • For example, if a girl was raped by a man when she was 12 years old, unless she forgives that man and allows Christ to heal her heart and allay her fears, in that particular area of her life (sexuality with a man) her emotional growth will stop; even when she reaches her later years she may still have the emotional maturity of a 12 year-old.

VII. Hurt people are often frustrated and depressed because past pain continually spills over into their present consciousness

* • In many instances, they may not even be aware of why they are continually frustrated or depressed because they have coped with pain by compartmentalizing it or layering it over with other things over time.

VIII. Hurt people often erupt with inappropriate emotion because particular words, actions, or circumstances “touch” and “trigger” past woundedness

* • I have been in situations with people in which there was a gross overreaction to a word I spoke or an action that was taken. Although I was shocked and thought this reaction came “out of left field” it was really the person responding to an accumulation of years of hurt and pain that could not help but spill over in various situations.


* • I myself have been in situations where I felt hurt, troubled, or overreacted to something because it touched a nerve with what I was still dealing with because of a wound I received in the past. In these situations I have attempted to reason through the situation as objectively as I can with much prayer and introspection so I would not say or do anything damaging to another person or myself.

IX. Hurt people often occupy themselves with busyness, work, performance, and/or accomplishments as a way of compensating for low self-esteem


X. Hurt people often attempt to medicate themselves with excessive entertainment, drugs, alcohol, pornography, sexual relationships, or hobbies as a way to forget their pain and run from reality

XI. Hurt people have learned to accommodate their private “false self” or “dark side” which causes them to be duplicitous and lack integrity

* • Often their private life is different from their public life, which causes hypocrisy and compounds feelings of guilt, condemnation, and depression.

XII. Hurt people are often self-absorbed with their own pain and are unaware that they are hurting other people

* • They are often insensitive to other people because their emotional pain limits their capacity for empathy and their capacity for self-awareness.


* • I have been in numerous situations when someone hurt me and kept on going in the relationship without ever apologizing because they had no clue what they were doing.

XIV. God often purposely surfaces pain so hurt people can face reality
* • Whether it is because of a marriage problem, or continual personal conflicts on the job, God often allows conflict and spillover because he wants the infection to stop spreading and the person to be healed.



* • I have noticed that these periods of surfacing woundedness often take place when people transition into the mid-life years of their upper thirties and later. Perhaps this is because by then they are old enough to understand by experience that there is something wrong and also that it is not too late to redeem their pain and restore relationships and maximize their purpose. Rarely is a person able or even willing to deal with and face pain when they hit their senior years (in their sixties or older). Most at this age have already become cynical, hard-hearted, and/or become so depressed they have become hopeless even though God is able to help them at any age.

XV. Hurt people need to forgive to be released and restored to freedom
* • The Gospel of St. John 20:23 says that we have to release the sins of others if we are going to be released. This means that if we do not forgive others then the very thing we have become victimized with will become a part of our life. For example, alcoholic fathers breed alcoholic sons if their sons do not forgive and release their fathers.


* • The good news is that, through the efficacious blood of Christ, we can all be healed and set free from all past hurts so we can comfort others with the same comfort we ourselves have received from God (2 Corinthians 1:4).
Truly our mess can become our message!



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