yesterday

was good... felt like when we first started going out.. he couldnt wait to see me.. and i wanted to see him too.. but then i felt on the edge.. i guess just like he explained how he felt good but felt like he was holding a door closed.. and if a pebble stumbled him the door would open and everything would come flooding out.. god how does someone live like that? i know exactly how he feels though and i dont want to put it all off on him but my worries are nothing... they are things id rather just move on from.. am i trying to stay in the dark because id doubt hes really done anything horrible or do i stay in the dark cuz i dont want to have to act on the truth of what hes done? i have to believe he hasnt done anything horrible. if i believe otherwise i will drive myself nuts before its definately over. i dont think i would ever put up with him cheating. fuk that life is way to short to waste more time on someone who could do that to me.

money is going to become an issue.. just because i make more of it does not mean i should carry the bigger load. i dont want to be a tight ass with money but shit i want to get out of debt too.. i want to be able to buy the stuff that i want too.. we both need to get on the same page cuz theres no way this is going to be fair.